More Questions to Ask Yourself Before Deciding to Divorce
In a previous blog, I explored three questions to ask before deciding whether divorce is the best option for you. Click here if you would like to review them. There are a few more questions that are important to answer as you continue to gather information in this process.
What steps have I taken to stay in the marriage?
If you are deciding whether to leave your marriage, it’s important to know and to understand what have you done to see if the marriage can still work. It’s very easy to throw your hands up and throw in the towel when times get rough, but what ways have you tried to ride out the storm. Challenges and victories, ups and downs, obstacles and clear sailing are all part of the ebb and flow of any intimate relationship especially one as intense and important as marriage.
The key is how invested are you or have been in cultivating and strengthening the partnership with your spouse
What alternatives have I explored?
There are many options to divorce that can be explored. Marriage counseling is the most obvious. It takes both spouses to agree to meet in an effort to keep the marriage together. If only one spouse is agreeable, there are other options. One spouse can work on alone with a counselor but its difficult to work on a partnership with only one of the partners. Certainly, the willing spouse can work on themselves in an effort to have the tools to make a decision on whether to stay or go. Another option which may be the best is to work with a divorce coach, an expert who can help you create strategies and tools to empower you while working through the difficulties of the marriage. This expert is also crucial in developing life choices to have a more fulfilled, happier and meaningful life whether you stay in the marriage or not.
What am I feeling?
Emotions run the gamut when deciding whether divorce is the best option for you. Fear, anxiety, guilt, shame and blame are the more obvious feelings but I will let you know happiness, relief and excitement are also emotions that can happen when exploring your options. Your feelings are neither good nor bad, nor right or wrong; they just are. Knowing what you’re feelings are is the key. In order to be able to look at them, you must acknowledge them. When you can do that, the second key is to allow your emotions to express themselves fully and completely. Our initial reaction may be to stop them or stuff them since who wants to feel emotions that are not comfortable. By doing that, the feelings only stick around longer as they will make sure they are fully expressed. Instead of pushing them aside, once you allow your feelings to be fully expressed they will be complete. This will allow you to not be sidetracked in evaluating your marriage. Feelings are our friends and by accepting them for what they are will teach us the lessons we need to learn.
These questions are the beginning of an important conversation to have with yourself and ideally your spouse. This can be a difficult time in your life however it does not have to be as painful if you can evaluate whether divorce is the answer for you. If you would like to explore how to explore your options and decide whether to divorce or stay in your marriage, I will gift you a complimentary divorce breakthrough discovery session with me. Click here and sign up now as these free sessions fill up fast.
Anthony J. Diaz
The Divorce Empowerment Coach
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